Sad News

We found out today that a good friend has passed away earlier this week.  Randy was a friend of both Chris and I from work.  I am not one to grieve openly I suppose.  I especially won’t around Chris right now since he is having a hard time of it as it is.  I just can’t sleep right now, and I feel that it is my time to grieve.  With every person that passes we all feel regrets…things we wanted to say or do, or in some cases getting a chance to say good bye.  I know if I talked to Randy right now, he’d be all understanding, because that’s how he was.  I haven’t had a chance to go back to my old work since I have quit.  I wanted to once school had calmed down/was out on break.  I still will likely once I am, but it won’t be the same.  Randy had a special way about him, and was easy to talk to and hang out with.  I know I am not the hardest hit person by this, but I was really fond of him.  I always wanted things to work out happily for him, and I still hope that he was at least happy enough.  I always look back on the dinners up at work with him and Chris, the time we made him come to Ren Fair with us, the various smoke breaks with him (even though I wasn’t smoking), and all his own personal insights on things.  I think that out of many of the middle aged people I know, he had learned more then most about life in general.  I also regret that he never got to go to Japan as he had wanted to.  He may have not known it, or admitted it, but he had alot going for him as a person.  Life is so precious, yet so many of us take it forgranted.  I think death is a way for the rest of us to learn to love life.  I pray that he is in a good place now, and finally happy.  It will take time for our hearts to ease.  We will never forget your kindnesses or the good times we shared.  I hope to dream of you and say my final goodbyes.

This is so much more to say, but I don’t think words can fully express how I feel.  I am finally crying my grief, and it is a good thing.