money, modern kingdoms, greed, and love

I guess it’s time for an update huh?

Well lately I have been really thinking about what is most important in the world. I will always say family of course, but there are other things too, such as school and work…friends. This is a turning point in my life it seems. I am given a choice…continue school and just hope that my dreams and money needs are for filled eventually, or take a job that I will find dreadfully boring, but like the people I will work with, make decent money…but also have to quit school since it’s a night shift job. I am not strong enough to work full time nights and then commute to go to school. Ultimately…my choice is leaning towards school. It’s a tough call because I do not want to disappoint anyone. As much as I hate to admit it, I like to make people happy. In this though, I just have to this about me and where I need to take my life. It’s been an ordeal. We’ll just say that. Money can help us in so many ways, but it is a short gain and not a long term help (for me or for us). Most of all…I want to finish school. I want someone to say that I am worth something and want me to be a part of something bigger.

It’s hard for me to come to terms that I am a second rate singer. I am honest with myself, and that is what I am right now. I don’t know if I have potential for anything more either. I feel like I never the first choice and that’s really hard on me. I really do try, but try isn’t good enough generally. I keep thinking…maybe if I just apply myself more or do something else…maybe if I can play piano better I will be worth something. It’s a subject that depresses me though sometimes. There is so much uncertainty right now for me. School feels shaky and where I want to be work wise does too. I feel like I have to pick just one path which I can succeed. Simply put, it’s tough.

Anyway…enough about that.

I have come to a realization that in the USA, not all men are created equal. You may argue that we are, but I don’t agree. First, people are born at different socio economical statuses. You can work your way up if you are the low man on the totem, but it’s much harder to…especially in this day and age. Why, you may ask? Well it comes down strictly to money. The more you have, the more you can boss people around. It’s funny since we don’t have “kingdoms” anymore, but really we do. From 8am-5pm, your ass belongs not to you, but to your boss (the guy who makes more money). And when you call that help desk line and scream at the other person on the line, you feel you have the right because you PAY them for that right (and chances are YOU make more money then they do,)? When the head of the company talks to the lowly office workers, they cower in fear and scurry to do the bosses bidding. Why? Because they don’t want to loose their job or make a bad impression (aka get a low or no raise at all). This is a sad thought. We have fought as a country to be individuals, free individuals at that. Here we are in the 21st century churning away our lives at our computers doing things mindlessly. This mindlessness follows us to our home lives too. Predictable, and boring. We go home after work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, play with the dog or what have you and then go to bed. Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing wrong with this if that is really what you like to do, and I admit I do this quite a bit at that.

Let’s look at the other side of this too, the guy who is all important because he makes more money then everyone else. He’s the guy who makes outrageous demands of his underlings because he wants something. He’s greedy and he’ll get what he wants or else. This concept is seen daily by all of us. I get people who call and tell me their name as if I should KNOW who they are and care. Really I think this just speaks mountains about those folk though. They are so absorbed by making sure the world knows they exist….that they can’t enjoy the world either. They want to make an impression so that when they die, their life meant something. “Look world! Here I am….I MATTER!!! I will not live a life that will fade and be forgotten by history. HERE I AM!” This is really what those people are about. A witness to their life. Most people just need witnesses such as wives, husbands, friends, sons, and daughters…but these people need an audience. They are the divas of life. “Here I am world, don’t forget about me!” So, perhaps greed is just a way for people to try and not be forgotten by time.  It’s something like, IF I am important enough, my memory will never die.  It’s a form of immortality.   Love also ties into this, because we all want to have that witness…someone who will remember us and know we had a place in the world before we died.  It’s our own form of immortality.   But I believe that love has more then just that.  There is selflessness too.  To want to make another person happy and to give all that you can to make their life a joy, that’s love too.

Well that’s what I was musing about at work tonight.  That’s it.  Enjoy the read.