LadyAlissiya’s Blog

You know… I have thought about updating many times.  Really though, when it gets down to it… I often don’t see a point.  I know hardly anyone reads it first off.  I can’t really blame anyone either.  I know I only post occasionally, and the only people who would generally read this talk to me in person (which isn’t many to be honest.)  I am starting to think about shutting this down or only using it for pictures.  I don’t know though.  Tonight isn’t a good night to decide since I am depressed to begin with.

General updates: Tristan now has two teeth and crawls.  That may not seem like much, but trust me - it is.  It’s pretty exciting too for the most part.  He is the greatest joy in my life.

I am finishing summer school, only to then leap into another semester of school.  I really wish I was done.  Just the thought of it makes me sick.

My house is very crowded these days.  I love the current people, but also look forward to having my house back as it was.  I never take change well.  Plus, I have to keep busy cleaning to keep a semblance of normalcy to it.  I’m tired.

You know what doesn’t ever make me feel better?  Facebook.  I like the concept and all… sure it’s great.  However, I always read what everyone is up to… see wall posts between mutual friends… and it always makes me realize that in reality - I don’t have many friends at all.  No one posts that they miss me really.  Hell, I talk to my best friend maybe a couple times a month or so.  The people who I have ever let into my life more then that always seem to use and abuse me.  It never fails, so I rarely go out of my way anymore.  First there was childhood friends like Melody, and then more recent ones like Joe, and then the infamous Tom.  At this point.. I don’t care if they know I feel abused by them.  They were all jerks in the end.

I always go way out of my way for people I care about… and it always bites me in the ass.  Chris, I think, wonders why I don’t try and make more friends or have more social time… but really I feel that if I do make new friends, it just won’t work out and I’ll end up hurt.  I tried to make friends a little over a year ago with someone at school.  The reality though is, she just didn’t have room in her life for me.  That’s the case for most would be friends.  They have their collection of close friends and that’s that.  I guess when I make friends, I am looking for a close friend.  Someone to call when something strikes me funny, or to boohoo at when things don’t go my way.  Most people are just fair weather acquaintances though.  Facebook always just reminds me of how unimportant I am to most of the folks I know.  The person I talk to more than anyone is my mom (which we talk VERY often… and I really love that too.)  Second, is Chris… and I live with him.  Sad on my part… but he’s often busy, as am I. Wait… scratch that - I talk to Tristan the most of all lol!  He’s a great listener… you know, when he isn’t trying to chew on my toes and what not.

Ah, I think I am just stressed and needed to ramble to the empty oblivion that is my blog.

dance, dance the shaking of the sheets,
dance, dance when you hear the piper playing,
everyone must dance
the shaking of the sheets with me.

bring away the beggar, bring away the king,
and every man in his degree.
bring away the oldest and the youngest thing,
come to death and follow me.

bring away the merchant who made his money in france,
and the crafty banker too,
when you hear the piper, you and i must dance
the dance that everyone must do.

dance, dance the shaking of the sheets,
dance, dance when you hear the piper playing,
everyone must dance
the shaking of the sheets with me.

i’ll find you in the courtrooms, i’ll find you in the schools,
when you hear the piper play.
i’ll take away the wise men, i’ll take away the fools
and bring their bodies all to clay.

all the politicians of high and low degree,
lords and ladies, great and small.
don’t think that you’ll escape and need not dance with me,
i’ll make you come when i do call.

dance, dance the shaking of the sheets,
dance, dance when you hear the piper playing,
everyone must dance
the shaking of the sheets with me.

dance, dance the shaking of the sheets,
dance, dance when you hear the piper playing,
everyone must dance
the shaking of the sheets with me.

it may be in the day, it may be in the night,
prepare yourselves to dance and pray.
that when the piper plays “the shaking of the sheets”
you may to heaven dance the way.

dance, dance the shaking of the sheets,
dance, dance when you hear the piper playing,
everyone must dance
the shaking of the sheets with me.

dance, dance the shaking of the sheets,
dance, dance when you hear the piper playing,
everyone must dance
the shaking of the sheets with me.

Let’s face it… everyone who pays attention to politics are all about supporting one side or the other… but you know what? We all are equal in death. It won’t matter who you voted for, what your income was, or who high and mighty friends you had. There are pluses and minuses to each side of the arguments… and although we can strive to make things better for while we walk the earth, it does not change the end result. Birth is the leading cause of death.
Oh and just so you know.. I really do like this song too. I’m not bitter or anything… I think anymore people are just worrying and stressing more then it’s necessary. Enjoy life, because you never know which day is the last - for you or for others.

This is pure and simple rant.  First about formula companies..

Did you know the Enfamil (one of the evil formula companies that try and sabotage breastfeeding mothers) has now put out a formula for your toddler so that he or she can become hooked on chocolate?  Oh yes, it’s true…

http://enfamil.com/app/iwp/enfamil/productDetail.do?dm=enf&id=/Consumer_Home2/Enf_Products/ForToddlers/EnfagrowChocolate&cm_mmc=paid%20search-_-EnfagrowChocolate-_-Google-_-Expert2054

Now, I’m not a mom who says that all sweets are bad.  First off though, children under 2 years aren’t supposed to have chocolate.  Secondly, I don’t think it’s wise to offer such a sweet treat to a child so young.  As a parent, we should be teaching our little ones what a healthy diet is.  I admit, my diet currently isn’t the best, but I will do my best to make sure Tristan learns how to eat well and stay fit.  I don’t want him following the path Chris and I have.  We are both over weight, and have a bad sweet tooth.  I would rather encourage parents to find creative ways to make healthy eating fun for kids.  Make it silly if you have to.  But don’t encourage your child to be hooked so early! I will also admit that I think a child who hasn’t weaned themselves, should continue to receive breastmilk for the first two years of life…and I’m not alone in that.

http://www.aap.org/advocacy/releases/feb05breastfeeding.htm

http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/faq/

Although I know so doctors guilt mothers into not breastfeeding… I think that almost all women are at least somewhat capable of feeding their babies.  It’s natural… and if it didn’t work… how the HELL did we become so prosperous before formula existed?

I have heard many moms say - well my baby was formula fed and they turn out all right.  Well perhaps so, but imagine how much better things could have been if he or she was breastfed.  Science has proven many, many benefits to breastfeed, not just for baby, but for moms as well.

It is the best thing for brain development in babies first of all, it has immune factors that help children be sick less often and with less severity, children develop less ear infections then children formula fed. From the AAP: “Studies on infants provide evidence that breastfeeding can decrease the incidence or severity of conditions such as diarrhea, ear infections and bacterial meningitis. Some studies also suggest that breastfeeding may offer protection against sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), diabetes, obesity and asthma among others.”

Who doesn’t want the healthiest baby possible?

And let’s not leave out moms here.  Moms can expect have stronger bones, and reduced risks of several types of cancer…. not to mention help loosing the baby weight - at least for some.  I donno about you, but that sounds like a pretty sweet deal.

I won’t lie though, establishing breastfeeding was hard.  And yes, there were some nights that I was exhausted, nipples cracked and bleeding… and that bottle of formula seemed like the easiest thing to do.  But you know what?  Once we got that latch right (and I have to say that I think all women should see a lactation consultant after birth), things were far better, and now I barely can think about how hard it was to start.  It seems like second nature.  It’s well worth the effort for baby, mom, and the bank account.

Now, before I get any nasty comments.  I do understand that there are rare cases of women unable to physically breastfeed.  It does happen, but it is rare.  More often, women are told they cannot.. and this is a terrible travesty.  Women are led to believe everyday that they cannot give birth on their own, without the help of a doctor to deliver them, and then they are told their bodies will not work to feed their children. Apparently we, womenkind, have malfunctioning bodies always.  Let me assure you though, that is false.  We do work.

This brings me to my next rant.  C-sections.

I cannot stand watching most of those “Baby story” shows because well over half of them end up with a doctor performing a c-section and “saving the day”.  You know what… only maybe 5% of women need c-sections.  We have a whole lot of failures in the medical community that deals with our babies though.  We have doctors that want to be home for dinner - a nice thought, but not at the expense of a woman’s body, we also have doctors that are so afraid a natural birth will go wrong and they’ll be sued.  Never mind the fact that surgery is higher risk.  We also seem to have this concept that doctors deliver babies… not women.  We have hospitals that won’t allow VBAC, and have hospitals that stupid rules in place to keep women from truly being heard and listened to.  It certainly doesn’t help that doctors are not taught what a normal, natural birth looks like.  They see problems where there are none.  I am not saying they are evil, they often mean well.  However, birth happens naturally.  It’s not always an event that WILL go bad.  I just hate that women are led to believe that they are or will be dysfunctional.  It’s a self-for-filling prophesy.  When you believe you can’t do it… you probably can’t.  But thank god for C-section right?   Maybe I’m just lucky, and I am made to give birth… but in truth… I think most women are too.  It just irks me to see it propagated through the media that so many women need C-sections.  And it always it the doctor coming to the rescue.  *sigh* Are women all so weak?  Surely I’m not a rare breed of capable woman.  Surely not.

First, an update about life…

My  last update was almost 2 months ago.  Since then (I think anyways), Tristan has now learned to roll over in one direction (from tummy to back), and has almost learned the other direction. If it weren’t for those pesky arms, he’d get it lol.  He has also learned to be a little ticklish, and he is learning right now how to sit and how to push himself all the way up from a mini-pushup.  It’s hard to imagine the progress he has made since birth.  Not to mention all the other small things he does that brings joy to all of our lives.  He is incredible clingy and hate when I leave him somewhere… including just to use the bathroom.  I don’t really mind the clingy aspect though… I actually find it pretty sweet.

That’s what’s up with Tristan these days.  Mostly getting to spend time with mommy at home.  It’s a nice treat for both of us.  Since the last post, my semester has come to an end… with straight A’s again I might add.  You know, it wasn’t the easier, but it also wasn’t my hardest semester academically.  I think the hard part was just time management since Tristan takes almost all of my time.  I am also doing summer school soon, which at least is online.  I admit I am getting tired of driving all the time.  It is worth it though.  When Chris’s mom can’t watch Tristan, at least I always know he is well cared for my mom or sister.  I also prefer actually knowing those who will be caring for my child.  Daycares… you only know so much about the person watching your baby.  It makes me nervous.  Plus, they aren’t always ok with using cloth diapers…which broaches my next topic..

I read Mothering magazine (let me just say I’m not normally a magazine reader), and they had an interesting article about the benefits of cloth diapering.  It used to be the norm first of all.  Disposable diapers really didn’t gain huge popularity until the 70’s or so.  We all also know that it is more “green” to go cloth…less waste, disposable don’t break down… also not reliant on the oil industry.. etc.  Well it also turns out that disposables also are linked to breathing disorders - such as asthma.  They leach out chemical which the baby breaths and thus can give lung problems.  I admit it didn’t cross my mind.  In addition, although diaper companies like to say that they help find diaper rash… let me tell you that it’s all lies.  Apparently, some of these chemicals can also help cause terrible rashes on babies.  Now, let me also say that my little boy has never had bad diaper rash.  Sure, ever once in a while he looks a touch red, and so I let him air out a bit for comfort… and put a little cream on him.  No prob… gone within 24 hours usually.  That’s not bad right?  Well here is another troubling thing about diaper companies.  They will NOT disclose what the ingredients are in the diapers.  Period.  Now, I don’t know about you… but I would like to know exactly what was touching the genitals of my child.  That’s a rather sensitive area if you ask me.  Oh, and you know why diapers smell nice right?  The scent them as to hide the chemical smells… not for just when your baby takes a big one.  That’s scary to me.  I personally am in no rush to go put random chemicals on sensitive areas of my body… so why my baby?  Oh, and for those of you who have toddlers.  The absorbent  ”Crystals” they have in them… that often burst out of a too full diaper and then get all over the baby.. are poisonous if ingested.  Just a little FYI for you.  Let’s face it too, some toddlers don’t always know better NOT to eat that stuff.  Let alone your pets.

So don’t always trust advertisements… they aren’t looking out for the well being of your family.  They are looking at what’s in your bank…and also “banking” on your laziness.

For those of you who might be curious about the hassle of cloth diapers… anymore there really isn’t much.  There are many all in one diapering systems out there.  You don’t have to pre-fold them or anything.  You just grab a liner and shove it in the outer diaper shell (which is water proof, so no plastic pants or anything).  As far as clean up.. it’s not too hard.  You just take out the liner from the shell and put both in the diaper bag.  If is a dirty one, you can get a sprayer so you don’t really have to even touch the poo at all.  You just spray it off and then put the outer shell and the liner in the bag.  No worries.  Then when you run low on diapers, you just have to wash them in your washer.

I prefer this to having to run out to the store and spend a ridiculous amount of money on diapers.  By choosing to cloth diaper my child, I am more green, save money, reduce diaper rash, keep chemicals off and out of my son, and I can choose diapers that are super cute and match the colors of his outfits.  How is this not a win?  Cloth diapering has changed ALOT in the past 50 years.  People should really look back into it.

First, a little update about life lately.  Tristan is getting bigger by the day - both literally and also by what he can do over time.  He now loves to play with toys, and he smiles and laughs and babbles.  All of which just melt my heart each time.  Motherhood has very much changed me.  It has made me more emotional…partly because I see everything through a mother’s eye now.  It also gives me greater respect for other moms and a greater appreciation for my mommy-dearest hehe.  Not that I haven’t always been anyways, but experience sometimes changes perspective.

Chris works quite a bit lately so that I don’t have to…which I appreciate because it allows Tristan to have mommy around at least some of the time.  If I did work currently - it would have to be evenings and weekends.  It would not allow much mommy time or wife and hubby time.  I do wish to contribute, but I can only do so much currently.

Every now and then we do get to see friends…more now that Tristan is getting a little older, but still not a lot.  Last night we have two good friends over for dinner and a game of Uno.  It was good to have some “for fun” adult interaction.  I only get interact when I am at school and with my family.  Not that it is bad, but it isn’t always just for “fun” if you know what I mean.  I wish it was more though.

Now to the topic of the post.  I really realize just how opinionated I am now that I am a mom.  For one, I think the more natural a pregnancy and birth a mom can have, the better.  I know that it isn’t always possible…but I think too many woman do not research all the risks they take on for not just themselves, but for their little ones as well.  I am not saying the medical community is evil exactly, but that sometimes they intervene in the natural process and cause complications…and then they have to “come to the rescue” by doing things like c-sections and vacuum extraction.  Yes, sometimes these are indeed needed…but really not as much as they are used.  I don’t pretend to think labor and birth are painless for all women (mine certainly was not).  However, the drugs used to control pain can and do have side effects.  I was so glad that I was awake and alert to greet my son - and that he was alert too to meet me.  I admit that I question if maybe why he is so calm for a baby is because of his emergence into the world in a relaxed home environment (literally at home!)  He wasn’t pulled away from me to be cleaned and examined…he was just allowed to cuddle with me and his daddy for a little while and just be.  I think that in a way, this allowed his transition into the world to be a little less scary and jarring as it can be for hospital babies.  He has known very little fear in his short life…which currently mostly consists of being afraid of the dark!  I hope this good start to life continues to nurture him throughout.  I certainly wish I could be mommy 24/7 for him too, but sometimes things just cannot be as we want.  I just have to say that I think women need to realize the inherent strength that almost all of us carry.  We don’t really need medicalized birth as the current model states we do.  I am not advocating free-birthing certainly…but I DO think midwives have a great model.  They don’t just look after the pregnancy itself, but rather the whole picture.  They monitor the diet of the woman, the medical, and mental aspects too.  I honestly feel that had my midwife not told me to eat 100g of protein a day towards the end there…I would have had pre-eclampsia.  I was headed that way pretty easily, and it does run in my family for sure.  I feel very thankful that I did my research and found a very wholesome approach to pregnancy, birth, and postpartum care.

I am also very opinionated about breastfeeding.  I think the breast is always best.  It is amazing to know that a woman’s body can change the nutritional content of the milk as a child grows.  What formula does that?  Not just nutrition, but also giving a baby immunities to things in their everyday life is worth more then gold.  It is one of the only perfect foods a child will have in their lifetime really.  Not only does it provide wonderfully for babies, but also for moms too.  By breastfeeding, a mom reduces breast cancer, heart disease, and osteoporosis risks.  How incredible that mother nature rewards moms who choose to do the best thing for the kids!

Beyond the health benefits, the bonding time is like no other really.  Once Tristan and I got past all the difficulties…which trust me, it was hard at the beginning…I loved when he’s look up at me with his big blue eyes, or how he’d grab my fingers while he nursed.  I love when he falls asleep nursing and dreams and smiles.  He also gets great comfort by nursing.  When he is hurt or upset, it is one thing that never fails to calm and sooth him.  Even if he isn’t really hungry and just pacifies himself…he still feels close to mom and the comfort that he always finds in my arms and at the breast.  What I do find frustrating is most Americans inability to separate the sexuality from the breast.  A boob is not all about sex…it is many times about nurturing.  I do not feel ashamed that I breastfeed.  I am not ashamed of my breasts either.  This isn’t to say that I’d walk around topless just because I feel like it, but rather that sometimes I admit I don’t want to be under a blanket.  Let’s face it…I live in Texas, and it is *hot* here (and we are not even in summer yet), and I hate making my little guy sweat and be uncomfortable because other people are uncomfortable with breasts being used for their god-given reason.  I also don’t want to go feed him in a bathroom stall.  I don’t eat in the bathroom, and neither should he.  I also don’t want to feel awkward around others just because my little one is fussy cause he is hungry.  I don’t want to dread going out somewhere..be it out to eat or the store…because I cannot easily feed him.  I don’t want to have to go to my car because he is tired or hungry.  We are the only creatures that are so shamed by our bodies and by the natural way to care for our young.  I am not ashamed to say that I feed my kid in the same manner a goat will her own kid.  Perhaps I am just a hippy and an idealist, but I really think people should be exposed to breastfeeding more so it isn’t seen as gross, inappropriate, lewd, or unnatural.  My breast is not just sexual, in fact that is a secondary function if you ask me.  It’s like if people here in the USA would start seeing lips as purely sexual because they are used for kissing and other things.  Never mind the fact you use them in the eating process, to talk with, and expression.  It would be silly so see them as sexual only, right?  But is it so different?  Ok, maybe it’s harder to cover, but that hasn’t stopped people in the middle east!  I’m just saying.

Perhaps we’d have better self-esteem if we women saw more breasts too.  We see only the perky-no stretch mark types in the media.  I have never met that mark, and many women don’t.  Why feel bad?  I don’t.

On a side note….although I am heavier then I would like to be after giving birth… I feel better about myself.  I think I see more beauty in myself then I did before becoming a mom.  I have also tried to think more positively because I think it is important for my children to have a positive role model.  Just because I am chubby doesn’t mean I can’t love myself still, and others around me.

Anyways, I also think that by other people (not just women) being exposed to breastfeeding, would help encourage a healthy practice.  Men should be able to separate the different uses of breasts..and not just look at one and get all excited.  Other countries have far different views of nursing…and of topless women in general really…but that’s not my point.

OK and the last thing that I am a little opinionated about is diapering.  I am sure there will be things I will feel just as strongly about as Tristan grows and as I grow as a person.  I do think that cloth diapering is better though.  It is cheaper by far for one.  For two, it leaves less things to go to landfills.  And for three, it reduces diaper rash.  Not say that it doesn’t happen, but it does breath a little better…and at least with the cloth diapers I have used, doesn’t leak anymore then disposable diapers.  I have also read that many kids with cloth diapers will potty train sooner because they can feel when they are wet quicker.  I don’t know if this will be true for my kid, but we will find out in time.  Regardless, I feel like I am doing a good thing by cloth diapering.  Plus, I can reuse these diapers with any future kids.  That’s important to me.  I like that I can just do some laundry and BAM I’ve got clean diapers for Tristan.  It’s great!  Oh, and I love that they come in other colors then white!

Ok well that’s PLENTY for today.  Love to all, and sorry for my overly long rant.

So today Tristan turns 4 weeks old.  How time flies…and yet sometimes I feel like he has always been part of my life.  Things have been hectic since Chris and I both have classes and he has got work.  Tristan is doing great though.  He is always hungry though…and since I am gone so much during the day time, I find it hard to keep up with his demand. Poor kid.  I’ve had to resort to formula off and on some.  Regardless of that though, he is gaining weight very well.  He lifts his head and can hold it up and look around for short periods of time.  It’s pretty cool watching him get better at muscle control…and that he’s awake more now.  However, if I’m home…he mostly just wants to nurse.  Well I’d love to write more, but I don’t feel like typing more one handed.

I must say first of all…I do love being a mom.  It’s my favorite job so far in life…and likely always will be.  That being said…things have also changed here at home.  Tristan is fussy about every other night….so Chris and I don’t get much sleep those nights. Tristan also want to nurse almost constantly when he’s around me.  This makes getting much of anything done rather difficult.  Needless to say…I do many things one handed (like typing this).  Chris has been very sweet to make meals for me as well as do chores around the house for me.  When Tristan does detach from me though… he wakes up and cries shortly after I put him down.  He is very much a mama’s boy.  I don’t mind too much though overall.  I find showers are now a luxury I don’t get every day…and it revolves around when Tristan is asleep.  It seems the moment I hand him off to Chris in the morning (while Tristan is still asleep) he wakes up when I go into the bathroom and starts crying.  Poor Chris then has to wait with a crying baby until I get out and can take him again.  So some morning I don’t get my shower…at least not in the morning before leaving.  I really hope that Tristan will not cry the whole time he stays with babysitters in Feb.  I will feel so bad for both them and my little boy.

Let’s see… funny things that have happened..

Tristan has been so attatched to my boob at times that he literally grabs a fistful of it in his little hand and holds on for dear life.  Funny, but sometimes painful.  He also falls sleep still attached to me.  He will stay asleep if his head is still touching bare boob, but the moment I cover it up is the moment he wakes and gets fussy…only to nurse and fall right back asleep as before with in a short time.

Tristan is a sniper.  He is skilled at peeing on both Chris and I and everything else.  Chris and I are diligent to try and keep him covered so he doesn’t spray us…but he seems to always pick the moment when we are switch him over to the new diaper or some how figures how to pee on us from inside the diaper.

The night before last he managed to pee on me twice from inside his diaper (which wasn’t really all that dirty or wet before hand) and puke on me…within about an hours time.    Not only did he get me, but also my bedding and a pillow.  He’s talented.

Also a couple evenings ago he was getting changed by daddy when he did a really good surprise attack.  Chris was wiping his tush when I see a yellow stream gush out… I jump back - immediately bursting into a fit of laughter - as Chris then realizes what is going on.  I believe Tristan got Chris, his crib, the crib bumper, his onsie, his blanket, and a pillow.  Chris has also been blessed with projectile poo a few days back (which got several things as well).  It’s amazing how Tristan knows just when to let it out.

We have also discovered that Tristan does seems to like music and lights.  He has a crib toy that generally entertains him (so long as he’s not super fussy already).  He also likes his owl mobile which plays music.  Today while he was a little fussy, I put him down and played a song I played while I was pregnant on the piano.  He quieted down for the duration of the song (which was pretty short).  I thought that was pretty neat.

I also love the fact that Tristan is staying awake more and more during the day time.  Not that he isn’t so sweet when sleeping, but seeing him awake, alert, and not fussy is such a joy.  Especially as he learns to use his facial muscles more.  He makes some funny faces sometimes.  Just staring into those little eyes is amazing.  It’s a new connection that I wouldn’t miss for the world.  I admit sometimes I marvel that Chris and I created such a wonderful new little being (even if he cries a lot too)!  I know he will change so much in the next couple years…and it’s already been incredible to see how he has grown and changed in only two weeks.  I am so thankful that I’ve been able to spend as much time as I have with him.  I am also so happy that Chris has had paternity leave and has/will be able to watch Tristan while I go to class.  It’s so hard to leave him…even for a couple hours.  Next week will be tough since I will be gone longer from him each day.  I mean…it’s nice to be away from the perspective of giving my boobs a rest.  And sometimes to be away from the crying… but on the other hand.. I miss him while I am gone.  I often wonder how he is doing, if he needs me (even though I know very well that his daddy has got things under control).

Well I am rambling…so time for me to call this post done.

Peace.

Yesterday I gave birth to my first child at 1:45pm.  Tristan Randall came into this world all naturally at 6 lbs 8 oz and 20 inches long.

Those are the stats, now if you want to know the nitty gritty…

I went into labor around 5am (at least that’s when I woke up), and waited around until 6:30am to wake Chris.  I didn’t sleep much, since the night before I wasn’t super tired and didn’t get to sleep until 2 or 2:30am.  Since I had several false labors…I figured why wake him so early though if it wasn’t the real deal?  But by 6:30 I was definately starting to think that it was indeed the real thing.  He got up and we took a nice hot shower/I took a bath.  I was handling things OK and shortly there after Chris got in touch with our midwife, Erin, and she headed over to check things out. By the time she got to our house (probably around 7:15 or 7:30 is my guess) I was already at 6cm.  Within another hour or so I progressed to 8cm, but that’s when things slowed down and began to get very painful.  My hips and back were hurting immensely and with every contraction Chris and Erin had to press on the sides of my hips to give me some relief… otherwise it was intolerable.  The pain was radiating from the contraction out to my hips and back and then down both my legs all the way to my toes.  Something that wasn’t exactly expected.  It took another 1 and 1/2 hours or so to reach 9cm… and at that point we figured out that my cervix was swollen on one side and was having problems dilating further.  I was really starting to loose faith that I could manage with the pain level.  I know that aspect can go with transition…but I think the pain was just wearing me down more then it should have.  We tried taking another shower to help me relax, and it helped for a short time…until our hot water ran out.  Erin then decided to give me something called cramping bark (if I recall) to help with the swelling.  It seemed to help a little, but not enough.  Erin had to try and hold back the lip of the cervix while the baby descended.  Ultimately she ended up needing to break my water because I was loosing energy and needed things to move a little faster…plus Tristan wasn’t able to descend well with the waters still intact.  Unfortunately the breaking of the water was the worst part. But shortly after it was done, it was finally time for me to push.  At first that was very hard and painful, but once I figured out how it was supposed to be done…it was far better then the proceeding hours had been as far as pain levels were.  Erin did need to give me a little oxygen just to keep Tristan’s heart rate good.  He really did handle labor well though in general.  It was just towards the end that it was necessary.  Soon enough he started to crown, and then with one big push he shot out… head and body, and crying!  I only tore a tiny bit, nothing needing stitches or anything of the sort.  I am a little sad that I tore at all… but we figured out why!  He was sunny-side up!  After all my diligence of keeping my posture a certain way and doing exercises to ensure he would be anterior… he was still posterior!  Erin thought at the start he was anterior though because his heart beat was so strong.  He is just one little stubborn boy!  But once they told me that…it was no wonder it hurt so much and took longer to progress (although for a posterior baby…heck even for a first time anterior baby, my labor was relatively short).  Erin in the past had warned me that many woman cannot deliver posterior babies and that’s why it was so important for me to do all the things to prevent that situation.  So much for that!  Now all she had to say afterwards that next time if my child is in the correct position… then I will have to call my midwife at the first sign of labor since it went so quickly.  Lucky for me at least I have ample hips… and a not too big first baby (thank god)!  I have to say that I don’t think I have every felt like I did at the moment of his birth.  Between the sudden relief from pain, and the rush of emotions from meeting our new little one… it is indescribable.  It was something I hadn’t planned on.  I hadn’t figured I’d be the type to cry at our first meeting… but I did.  I think that perhaps that moment made it worth it.  I think parenthood hasn’t completely set in with Chris and I yet.  I will say that he was an excellent support during everything though.  He held my hand, press my hips, encouraged me, and held me.  I could not have asked for a better husband.  I by no means intend to down play how wonderful he was … and I know it was hard for him to see me in pain.  I hope that it was all worth it for him too.

After everything was over, Chris and I rested (but not slept…well not me anyway) and enjoyed our first moments of family time.  Tristan was very quiet and very sleepy.  Chris’s family came over for a short visit in the evening…which Tristan pretty much slept through.  After everyone left, Chris and I had a little wine to celebrate, and we tried to rest up a little more.  Unfortunately, our new little one is a night owl for sure.  He kept his daddy and I up a good part of the night.  Chris let me sleep from about 2am to around 5:30am (though it was a little choppy of a sleep), and right now I am letting him sleep while I keep Tristan quiet.  He prefers to be held almost all the time.  It is understandable though since he’s been kept inside me for the past 10 months…and so it’s no surprise to me that he would want that close comfort even still… perhaps even more so in this strange new world of his.  Needless to say though…I am doing the best I can to let Chris get some rest himself since I will need a nap later today myself.

Well I think I am going to wrap this up.  I don’t really need to say much more, and I am probably rambling.  All I can say is that I am happy that our little one has arrived finally.

Oh, and mother nature is still mean.  :-P

If I met mother nature herself, in a dark alley…I would stab her in the eye with a fork…and that’s just to start with.

She is torturing me.

Tomorrow is my due date… and I have less then a week before school starts back.  I have no choice but to go back because of money reasons. It’s either that or get a job, neither would afford me recovery time or bonding time.  So I rather give up on those concepts in regards to this child.

However, you may ask… how has mother nature been torturing me? Well I had false labor all day on Dec. 24, and then for half the day on Dec. 25, and then ALL day yesterday.  At this point I truly think that I will be back in school for at least a week or so before this damn baby decides it is done.  This is very frustrating and I really wish it would just get done and over with.  I have already faced the fact that I won’t have time to be “mommy”… more like I will just be the dairy cow and that seems to be about it.  However, at least Chris will be home for a time with it.  I guess that’s something at least.  Just still frustrating.

Anyhow that’s what is going on.

I am really due any day now (technically due date is Jan. 8th, but it can happen anytime now)… and just praying right now for sooner rather then later.  I had a good bit of false labor on Christmas eve and Christmas day… but no baby.  Contractions are certainly interesting sensations… that’s for sure.  Although I am sure full blown labor won’t be a walk in the park, I still look forward to it because then I at least get to meet the baby face to face.  I know I shouldn’t be frustrated or anything just yet, but I am impatient.  I am sure that’s nothing new to moms though.  I guess in my case…I just want a chance to be just mom for a little while before I have to turn that job over to Chris and other family members while I go back to school.  All I can do right now is just hope.

Other then that, life has been pretty quiet.  Chris has had work off for the holidays which is nice.  However, he is still working from home because he says he’s got a bunch of ideas that he wants to use now.  At least he enjoys it.  We’ve mostly been hanging out at home enjoying that last bit of time we have together as just “us”.  (Chris is impatient too though)  I think Chris and I are just glad to be out of classes for a short time…a nice little breather.  That’s about it so far.